Deprivation / Withholding

  • The lack or denial of something / some benefit considered to be a basic necessity
  • The state of not having something that people need
  • A state of deprivation means something is missing, and the situation is serious

Deprivation / Withholding Includes:

  • Depriving you of Sex
  • Withholding of Affection / Physical Contact
  • Depriving you of Information that you need, e.g. What your child’s insurance account number is when you are in the emergency room, that your child asked for you, that the baby is almost out of diapers; impending bankruptcy, bills that need to be paid; hiding money from you or denying you the money you need for groceries (or any other need) falls into this category, too. See also: Financial / Economic Abuse
  • Depriving you of your time. Abusers tend to think their time is the most important and your time has no value. Abusers tend to think that you should be available to them at all times. Sometimes, you may set aside entire days or partial days only to find out, at the last minute, that the abuser has changed the plans.Sometimes, your abuser won’t even tell you the plans changed and you’ll get all dressed up; but, then he’ll come home yelling, “Why isn’t dinner on the table? Why are the kids at a babysitter?”
  • Depriving you of a good night’s sleep. Your abuser may return home after you are asleep and want to “talk” but if you deny conversation, your abuser may get angry and demand your attention. Or, the abuser may stay up late drinking and come into your room slamming drawers or doors purposely to wake you with a start. The abuser wants to fight and you just want to sleep. Sleep deprivation also happens when you work different shifts. Instead of letting you sleep and tending to the children during that time, the abuser may demand that you stay awake to do it.
  • Withholding Compliments that you deserve and/or replacing them with compliments that trivialize your contributions. Your abuser may compliment things that are easy to do, e.g. how great the house looks, while ignoring your greater accomplishments, e.g. getting a promotion. The abuser takes note of what you consider to be important, and then makes sure to never compliment you on successes in that area or will undermine your accomplishments by making them seem less important to him than what other people do.

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